Super Bowl XLI Running Diary

February 4th, 2007

Due to a lack of originality on my part, I decided to keep a running diary of the "Midwestern" Super Bowl. I was looking forward to seeing what would happen with my Super Bowl pick, and adopted team, the Indianapolis Colts. (Rooting against the Bears is most likely blasphemous being from Iowa, but who the hell cares?)

6:07 pm - The Steelers are still the current and defending NFL champions. This sounds as good to me today as it did a year ago.

6:11 pm - I’m watching Super Bowl XLI at my friend’s house on a big ass HDTV. Say what you will about HDTV being a little decadent…it is pretty awesome and a great way to watch a football game.

6:18 pm - Billy Joel delivers the national anthem. This brings up one of the best things about the Super Bowl…the prop bets! The last time I checked, the over/under on the length of time it would take Joel to sing the anthem was 1:42. By my friend’s calculation, the song lasted around 1:33. Because of Joel’s short rendition, a bunch of people just lost their mortgage. This is what makes the Super Bowl so compelling. Other fun prop bets on the big game: Predict the total number of references to Lovie Smith and/or Tony Dungy being African-American (over/under is six), Predict the outcome of the coin toss (classic bet), and the 100 to 1 odds on Prince slipping on the stage during the halftime show (didn't happen).

6:19 pm - How do they time the flyover of the fighter jets? What if someone droned on and on with the national anthem and the jets blazed through right in the middle of things? I guess a gigantic defense budget is good for some things. Precision.

6:26 pm - Time for kick off. This officially puts an end to the nonstop pregame yapping. There was a tape of Peyton Manning doing the tango when he was in 8th grade running on Sports Center last night (I swear I am not making this up). Any interesting story lines or analysis dried up around 13 days ago. I think I watched a piece on Jeff Saturday's pet vizsla earlier. (But no story about Robbie Gould's receding hair line? That's a shame)

6:27 pm - Devin Hester runs back the opening kickoff 92 yards for a touchdown! I must have made the Iowa gods angry. Dan Marino is seen cheering and pumping his fist during the return. 7-0 Bears.

6:34 pm - Two false starts by the Colts during their opening series. What is going on here?!? I tuned into the Super Bowl and an Oakland Raider game broke out.

6:36 pm - Manning throws an interception to end Indy's first drive. Marino is seen opening a bottle of champagne. I'm starting to steam a little.

6:37 pm - I need to apologize for leaving Iowa alum Bob Sanders off my list of Colts I'd like to see win a Super Bowl ring.

6:38 pm - Grossman looks shaky after throwing a floater down field. Feeling a little better about things.

6:47 pm - Manning throws (heaves) the football off his back foot to a WIDE open Reggie Wayne for a 53 yard touchdown!! (If you like a 6 foot 5, 230 pound quarterback with a laser/rocket arm)

6:47 pm - Bad snap on the point after! Tony Romo is having flashbacks. 7-6 Bears.

6:51 pm - The Colts cause a fumble as they decide to kick away from Hester and make an up-back handle the football, only to turn the ball back over on the very next play when Addai/Manning fumble. At least we're seeing the best product the NFL has to offer.

6:54 pm - Grossman throws a touchdown to Muhsin Muhammad. Blah. Manning interception, bad snap on an XP, Grossman throwing a TD in the Super Bowl...I must be in some sort of parallel universe where David Spade is on TV again. Wait a minute...WTF!?!?! Bears 14-6.

6:56 pm - Commercial for the movie Pride showing a crying Terrence Howard. The era of feel good sports movies has really gotten absurd...black people don't swim!!!

7:05 pm - Bob Sanders puts his helmet on the football and forces a Cedric Benson fumble. Go Hawks!

7:15 pm - The first quarter finally ends in what has to be the longest first quarter in Super Bowl history. 4 total turnovers (2 by each team). Feels like a Steelers game. (Can the 2006 Pittsburgh Steelers DVD be titled, "Givin' It Up for Cowher"?)

7:34 pm - Dominic (Dominique?) Rhodes barrels in for a 1 yard touchdown! Colts 16-14.

7:35 pm - Marvin Harrison seen fuming on the Colts sideline for not getting the TD catch.

7:50 pm - You gotta be kidding me! Tillman breathes on Fletcher of the Colts to cause a fumble and stall Indianapolis. Two words for Fletcher: weight room. The Manning face officially comes out.

7:51 pm - The Bears give the ball right back as Grossman fumbles the snap! My friend Bob makes a good point: these turnovers are coming too fast and furious...we haven't had enough time to properly make fun of Fletcher for his exceptional lack of strength.

7:56 pm - Adam Vinatieri misses a 36 yard field goal to end the first half. (New England fans cheer and actually convince themselves that Vinatieri went to the Colts just to sabotage things during the right moment) Vinatieri misses??? 6 turnovers in the first half of the Super Bowl? Two black coaches in the Super Bowl? I believe that Vince Lombardi put it best, "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON OUT HERE?!?"

8:18 pm - Thoughts from halftime:

* What the hell was up with the CBS graphics department super-imposing lightning during the shots of the stadium? Look at this technology we're using from 1983!

*Thinking that Prince could die at any moment with the microphone, guitar, and rain.

*Those cool Florida A&M marching band guys with the outfits from Tron.

*Shannon Sharpe's tie knot looking like some kind of growth.

8:29 pm - Colts offensive coordinator Tom Moore shown pacing on the sideline...patiently waiting for Manning to bring him into the fold and let him call a play. (It never happened)

8:35 pm - Best commercial (by far) the Bud Light Face Slapping commercial.

8:46 pm - Booger "Don't call me Anthony" McFarland puts on a great spin move for the sack.

8:50 pm - Rhodes coming up big again with a HUGE 36 yard run into Bears territory. Who needs Edgerrin James?

9:04 pm - Very bad form displayed in another Bud commercial. You just CANNOT have the legendary Don Shula (the most victorious coach in NFL history) losing to Jay-Z in any way, shape, or form. I know they were playing football on something that looked like the weird chess-type game in Star Wars, but I don't care, Shula does NOT lose to Jay-Z.

9:16 pm - Harrison's leg looks to be twisted on a play where he went all out over the middle. His fantasy expectations for the 2007 are instantly lowered.

9:20 pm - Muhammad catches a ball for a Bears first down. As my friend (correctly) points out, his catch phrase, any time he makes a play, should be: "As-Salaam-Alaikum Bitches!!!"

9:21 pm - VINTAGE REX!!! Grossman tosses a lame duck towards the sideline that is promptly intercepted by Kelvin Hayden and returned 56 yards for the touchdown! Colts 29-17.

9:22 pm - Kyle Orton is seen warming up on the sidelines.

9:23 pm - To appease the press one more time, Lovie Smith holds a press conference during a TV timeout to say that Rex Grossman is his starting quarterback.

9:25 pm - The gambling community starts to go crazy as the 46 total points in the game are two short of the over/under number of 48. College funds are won or lost in the last minutes of every Super Bowl. What a game.

9:30 pm - MORE VINTAGE REX!!! An under thrown ball is intercepted by University of Iowa alum Bob Sanders! Colts fans can now start to taste victory. (A great weekend for Iowa sports by the way, with the Iowa Hawkeye basketball team pulling off the upset of #24 Indiana yesterday along with Sanders forced fumble and interception in the Super Bowl)

9:32 pm - Flomax Commercial.....wait for it.....still waiting.....there it is!!! The phrase "Weak Stream" featured in a Super Bowl ad! My day is practically complete.

9:45 pm - Both coaches shown pacing the sidelines. Both coaches still black.

9:51 pm - 2 minute warning. Dominick Rhodes (with 113 yards in Super Bowl XLI) hasn't had a 100 yard rushing game since 2001! Yikes. Somewhere, Garrison Hearst is seriously considering a comeback.

9:55 pm - A Super Bowl gambling update! The Colts choose to run on 4th down rather than go for the field goal. The first down was not made and thousands of gamblers just collectively shit in their pants.

9:57 pm - As the clock counts down, Dungy becomes the focus of the television coverage and the pending championship instead of Manning. I found this interesting at the time for some reason. Big props to both of them.

9:58 pm - The Indianapolis Colts win Super Bowl XLI! Tony Dungy becomes the first black (African-American) coach to win the Super Bowl, officially ending racism in the United States! Colts 29, Bears 17 (Indy covered the spread by the way)

Manning, Harrison, Wayne, Saturday, Sanders, Freeney, and Vinatieri (again) win Super Bowl rings along with Coach Dungy.

Plus...I called this victory for this team way back in August, so I'm ready to get my prognosticating gloat on.

10:06 pm - Dan Marino sheds a few tears on the CBS post game show as Manning gets the Super Bowl ring that Danny Boy never could. Next up for Peyton...all of Marino's passing records. Yes, Marino is a local boy made good. But it is now time for him to shut the hell up.

10:08 pm - 5 talking animal commercials during the Super Bowl!!! It hurts me to say it, but the FCC has officially won.

10:09 pm - Can you hear that? Somewhere in the distance, Edgerrin James is crying softly into his large piles of money.

10:10 pm - Don Shula (obviously suffering from his loss to Jay-Z earlier) walks the Lombardi trophy through a sea of Indianapolis Colts. Ummm...a little awkward to say the least. Lets move on.

10:13 pm - The Lombardi trophy is officially given to Herm Edwards! Err...I mean...Tony Dungy.

10:13 pm - Who are those broads standing next to Jim Nance and Tony Dungy? Were there broads standing around last year after the Steeler's win? Or was I just too elated to care?

10:14 pm - The trophy goes from Dungy to Manning. Holding out on the chance that it was all a dream for one more moment, Dan Marino has a heart attack.

10:14 pm - Thinking it was a little weird that Manning got the game MVP. Who cares? The guy managed the game and got the monkey off his back. (Becomes the 21st quarterback to lead his team to a Super Bowl victory. I'm proud that Roethlisberger is a member of this club, then again, so is Trent Dilfer...maybe this club is more of a wash)

10:15 pm - Nance and the owner of the Colts just keep talking and talking and talking....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...when is criminal minds on again?

10:16 pm - Bob Sanders gets a hold of the Lombardi trophy while standing in the middle of the spaceship stage, it is truly a good day for the Iowa Hawkeyes.

10:18 pm - I'm hoping that all of the Peyton Manning commercials will be included with the Colts Super Bowl DVD. If they are, I'll buy the thing in two seconds. (Let's Go Insurance Adjusters, Let's Go!!!)

10:20 pm - In a post game interview, Solomon Wilcots asks Lovie Smith if Rex Grossman is his opening day starter next year. Lovie literally bites Solomon's head off.

10:21 pm - As it turns out, the "whiter" of the two black coaches ended up winning the game...progress and racial harmony is set back another ten years.

10:22 pm - Pro Bowl 2007 promo - a last chance to make up for gambling losses incurred during today's game. Betting on the Pro Bowl is a sure sign of addiction. For this reason, I'm sure there has to be many interesting side bets. The best possible prop bet for this year's pro bowl: Will Bill Belichick be wearing the cut-off hoodie even in Hawaii?

10:26 pm - Criminal Minds is up next!

Congratulations to the Indianapolis Colts!